The Hobbit in 3D

Not far away was his hiding place, of which Bilbo knew nothing, and there he kept a few wretched oddments...which included a pair of overpriced 3D glasses.

As regulars will have guessed, I am not a fan of this whole new 3D malarky that is forcing its way into our cinemas and I apologise in advance for yet another article on the subject. It is, however, proving to be a relentless nuisance. Which mostly, I can put up with; Avatar was alright, as is the new Alice in Wonderland. They are fairground rides more than films and whilst they are about as much the future of cinema as Tommy Wiseau is, I can sympathise with the argument that they are a good bit of throw away fun.

There is a point though, where the buck must stop. A point where we say "enough is enough" and get on with making proper cinema. More importantly, this point must come before filming of The Hobbit begins.

That's right folks, it has recently been rumoured that the first part of The Hobbit, due for release in 2012, may be shot with a million Buddy Holly lookalikes in mind. Pressure is being put on director Guillermo Del Toro, from above due to the huge success of the aforementioned fairground rides.

Now, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings happen to be relics of literature and film that are very close to my heart. I happen to believe that they are some of the finest novels ever written, probably the best of the twentieth century, and that Peter Jackson's epic trilogy is the best film trilogy in history - yes, leagues in front of Star Wars, even when it was in its original, unbarstardised, trilogy form. So when Warner Bros. and New Line start nudging Jackson and Del Toro and whispering "3D, please" I start to get very worried.

Why all the fuss, some may ask. Why get so up tight and bothered about it? After all, it'll look really cool. The reason is because 3D ruins films by subtracting from the plot. If you read my review of Avatar you will understand, and hopefully agree, how it could have been so much more if plot was not sacrificed for 3D action set pieces. And that is when the story is designed and written for 3D from the very start! Can you imagine the possibilities of decimation three dimensions could bring to The Hobbit, a work of art and literature?

The magic, the utter brilliance of The Lord of the Rings film adaptations was that you really felt like you were looking through a window into Middle-Earth. The factors that made it believable were the pacing, the scenery and the softness. You can have all the Helms Deep esqué battles you want, but what really sells Tolkien's world is the more passive scenes - the Shire, Lothlorien and Fangorn forest.

Once 3D starts rearing its ugly head into the picture you know what is going to happen. Dialogue, and therefore characterisation will be cut, as will plot development and immersion. Notice that word? Immersion. It is the story that immerses you in a film, not 3D. You can chuck all your flashiness you want at a film but what makes the audience care are the characters and the stories. And it is these kind of vital and wonderful properties, which are so abundant in the novel of The Hobbit, that will be cut just so we can see another shot of Smaug looking out of the cinema screen and breathing fire on us.

What is more, I feel the chances of it being made in 3D are very likely. The success of the gimmick, plus the fact that it is a special effects heavy fantasy movie mean there are lots of excuses to have stuff flying at you and sticking in your face. Furthermore, Weta, Jackson's special effects maestros, were responsible for those in Avatar, the only wholly good thing about the movie. It all seems to add up. I bet the execs went back to their homes after watching Avatar and put on the famous ring-landing-on-the-finger scene from The Fellowship and thought it was the perfect candidate.

I conclude by asking people to listen to what I have to say and take action against this 3D nonsense. It is fine when James Cameron is knocking out some second grade alien adventure that could have been something more, but when something is something more...well, it just will not do. They cannot do as they please, sabotaging one of the finest works of literature ever created. So I ask, if anyone knows of a petition of some sorts and is serious about sending it to the executive producers. Please, let me know and I will gleefully sign it (post the link in the comments section for others to see also).

Finally, to those who are still unconvinced and think a 3D Gollum is a pretty neat idea. I ask you two questions: will you still be "amazed" by 3D come 2012? And, even if the answer to that is yes, it may make you animate your exterior as you duck and gasp, but will it kindle the interior and touch you? Where it really matters.